venting.

im so bi-polar with my mood. like sometimes i can be having the BEST day then all of a sudden it just goes to crap. then vice versa too. like today. started out ok, got bad, got good, now its horrible. i dont know. i think its from too much thinking. i think about evvverrything, and in the end it starts coming back to haunt me. beacuse i over think things. so i start getting this totally wrong image about people for stuff they dont even do [like thinking they are being mean when they really arent]. haha. damn. and i read kathryns blog, and that got me thinking even more! about my [lack of a]love life, my "friend"ships with some people. people hurt me without even realizing it. People just see my as another person there. no one special. maybe theyll say a hi or too, and make some small talk. but as for actual friends go, i dont have too many. Sometimes i wish i had more friends i can go to, and they could just be there for me. As soon as high school is up, the majority of my friends will most likely forget about me, and for some reason, im afraid of that. im afraid of being forgotten, and abandoned. This post turned pretty emo hahah. but man im just sick of these things. And it doesnt help that i dont have a supporting family to go home too. I mean, i come home, and i just get more shit. nice. My dad and stepmom are cool though. hmm. my stepmom is more supportive and loving then my real mom, thats a new concept. Hmm. I guess i just wish people would see me as more than "just another person there". a person that they can trust, and talk to about things. And i wish i could just have a more positive outlook on life. but its hard, when the only person you have to go to is yourself.



:( for now.